Great leaders, whether they are in managerial or non-managerial positions, will always be challenged to unjust criticism or slander. At one point or another we have all been recipient of a defamation. How we handle the criticism can determine our character.
Let’s discuss what we feel when we are attacked with unjust criticism. The effect this has inside of us, is overwhelming. We feel anger, disgust, sadness, our blood boils, we are at a lost and this is just the beginning. We try to figure out how to fight this unjust, and cause the adversary pain. How do we get them fired and have everyone know what a loser he is? Unfortunately, with this kind of inner combat we begin to lose ourselves and our energy is unproductive.
One of my first bosses paved the way for me not to need ego-stroking or pats on the back. We all need and desire cheerleaders in our lives, but when we don’t have them at our jobs, we need to depend on ourselves to build our inner confidence. I believe this is one way that I was able to deal with unjust criticism in the future. I chose to believe me and not bad critics. The faith or confidence we have in ourselves can help us combat the ego within us and help us battle against the other negative critics.
There are men in history like Abraham Lincoln who are now beloved and revered to be one of the best in history, but during his lifetime he was not respected. In fact, he was slandered and hated more than anyone in politics during his time. He was not a “yes man” or “politically correct kind of a man.” So you can imagine how many feathers he ruffled for making decisions he felt were the right ones. He won the presidential race mainly because the Democratic party was split between two candidates, one in the North and one in the South. He was definitely not a popular choice and an easy target to attack and slander.
Lincoln was quoted in 1864 to say “Human nature will not change.” Therefore, he anticipated this unjust criticism to be part of life and in his case part of his job. According to Lincoln historians, they tell us Lincoln did not feed too much into the harsh and slandered things that were said about him. Instead, he put most of his energy into doing his work the best he could. In his own words ” As a general rule, I abstain from reading the reports of attacks upon myself, wishing not to be provoked by that to which I can not properly offer an answer.”
To ignore attacks on our reputation is easier said than done. Yet, we can learn and agree that our energy is best spent on being truthful to ourselves and working hard to accomplish a more productive task, rather than the energy spent on playing their games or living “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” lifestyle.
The proverb you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is a great way to deal with the unjust criticism. This is one method that definitely confuses the opponent. Fighting slander with anger gets us no where. Even when we sue them and win, the hatred is bigger. Why not figure out a way to put them in your corner? Always be professional and humble, you will see that you will win.
We have all heard “Keep you friends close and your enemies closer.” This is definitely a method used by many leaders today. They work side by side with some of their harshest critics. Oddly enough, keeping our adversaries close can help us get to know them better. At the same time, they get to know you better and hopefully they will have more positive things to say. Even, if we are not successful winning them over, we at least can walk with our head high that we kept our professionalism intact.
My humble advice to give you are the following pointers to practice:
- Remain Calm. Take a breather. Remember who you really are. Don’t feed into their ignorance. Refrain from exploding when you receive criticism, even when it’s evidently mean-spirited for two wrongs don’t make a right.
- Evaluate the Critics intention honestly. Understand that some people may have valuable critical suggestions, but their tone and style of speaking may hamper the way you receive it.
- Don’t take it personal. It’s hard not to take it personal. But consider the source, look at who is saying this unjust criticism and know they are wrong. Not taking it personal may allow yourself to be open to other ideas as well.
- Be humble in your approach. Fighting cockiness with cockiness is not productive. Rise above the real cocky one.
- To have or not to have “a meeting with the critic.” Having a rational discourse can be a good antidote to unfair criticism. In the corporate world it can win out. If it does not have a positive outcome and your adversary is not professional enough to appreciate the discussion, then you have won and proven his lack of professionalism.
- Don’t dwell on the critics. Remind yourself that the criticism hurts, but their words don’t define you.
- Walk with your head high. Wear a smile even if it’s a fake one, for this will help you to relax. A smile will create a positive feeling and change the mood of the situation, helps you psychologically and most likely calm the critic.
- Continue to build your self-esteem. Your self esteem and most likely one of your most valuable assets and best defense. Remember that we’re talking about unfair criticism here rather than constructive feedback. Your critic is most likely not going to survive the corporate world and you will.
- Don’t become obsessive over the what the critics say. Remember Lincoln’s words “I abstain from reading the reports of attacks upon myself, wishing not to be provoked by that to which I can not properly offer an answer.”
- Try turning enemies into friends or “Frenemies.” Keeping them close to you, will give you more information about them and their cause.
Ultimately, learn how to discern from a constructive criticism and a non-productive criticism. Let’s not jump into a conclusion that the critic meant to give a bad suggestion or critique. But if you are a recipient of a malice and adversary critic, win with your professionalism. If possible turn a destructive criticism into a construction mental note. When combating criticism, keep the following words in mind: stay professional and humble, say thank you, smile, accept the human nature of these critics, and always believe in yourself.
Photo by Taylor Grote on Unsplash